2019 as been such a whirlwind for me but I am forever grateful for the lessons and the continued support of those around me.
In May 2019, I started taking classes towards my PhD in Human Sexuality Studies. So far I have only taken and completed a class in qualitative research methods–I am however enrolled in 2 classes for the Fall 2019 semester. To be quite honest, I have not enjoyed my classes since becoming a PhD student. What some call a necessary task to overcome, I have become more riddled with dread and despair over. I kept thinking to myself, why do I want to keep taking these courses if they only make me feel stressed, anxious, and depressed. Having to go to classes on the weekends became a task I wasn’t sure I could do. I would drive to the school to spend my entire time trying to talk myself in to going; to then get in the parking lot and not be sure if I would go in the building. I kept thinking to myself that this cannot be healthy and I need to do something about it.
I finally decided that I am no longer going to look into completing my PhD. While my dreams have been for a long time to work at a university as a professor, I have found myself becoming more and more disillusioned at this prospect. I really want to work in either health promotion, sexuality education, HIV education and support, or with LGBTQ+ folks in health care settings. So I have decided to spend my time and energy working towards that goal.
I am currently looking at Master in Social Work programs with a clinical focus so that I can work on getting my license and be a professional counselor–possibly work towards sex therapy certification.
For all of those who have support me in this PhD endeavor, I appreciate you and hope I have not let any of you down. I just decided that it is time to to start living for myself; to actually do something I want to do. I am scared and a bit anxious about my next steps but I am so looking forward to the possibilities.
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